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Wednesday, 18 March 2009 01:02

BuzzFlash March GOP Madness Race to the Bottom, Game 3: Bachmann v. Gonzales

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Welcome to Round One Game Three of BuzzFlash's Republican Race to the Bottom. Here's how to play: Vote for the worse of the two contenders on the left. Vote by marking the circle next to the contender you dislike more, and click "Vote." A winner will be declared at midnight tonight. (If you can't see the poll, please upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, or try Firefox.)

The winner will advance to the next round of the Sour Sixteen, with a chance to become this year's worst conservative. Click here for more about the Race to the Bottom. Click here to see the full bracket, which you can fill out to play along at home.


Michele "Madwoman" Bachmann

The "workingest" gal of the GOP, Bachmann is well-known for her Palin-esque wordsmithery and her notorious make-out session with former President George W. Bush.

But there's a lot people don't know about her. Bachmann's favorite TV show is The Sopranos, her biggest pet peeve is scientists who believe in global warming and her superpower is X-ray vision.

After God tells her that her time is up in Congress, Bachmann plans to either orchestrate a holy war against the Islamic world or stay home and to be sure dinner is on for her husband when he comes home from a long day of un-gaying people at the clinic.

Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales

Called "Fredo" by President Shrub, Al played loyal consigliere to the Bush Crime family, and most particularly to Dubya. In Texas, he helped make a Dubya DUI story go away just in time for the 2000 election, which you could say was a key play that carryied teammate Dubya into the White House. He also helped escort reformed, God-fearing criminals to the oft-occupied Texas electric chair.

In D.C. Fredo came out of the team huddle with improvised opinions that let Dubya do most anything, post 9/11. The D.C. crowd never warmed to Gonzo, but confirmed him as AG anyway. Al's not-so-friendly visit to his predecessor's hospital room didn't come out till later.

AG Gonzo thoroughly politicized the Justice Department, then told the refs he couldn’t recall much of anything from his tenure on that team. With the refs prepared to eject him from the game, Fredo walked off the court. AttorneyGate remains in dispute and may go into overtime.  At least Fredo wasn't kicked upstairs to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the US Supreme Court. Matter of fact, ex-AG Fredo is still looking for work.


By your votes, Dick Cheney crushed Newt Gingrich 93% to 7% in the St. Paddy's Day Seed of the BuzzFlash March GOP Madness Tournament.