Bill Berkowitz for BuzzFlash: No, Rudy G. Didn't Fondle His Groin This Time, But He Did Spout Trump Conspiracies at Presser Between a Crematorium & a Sex Shop in Philly. Tragedy Meet Farce.
November 9, 2020
The unrelentingly creepy and sleazy Rudy Giuliani (Gage Skidmore)
By Bill Berkowitz
In a scene that even Sasha Baron Cohen’s Borat might have trouble conjuring, the Trump campaign – with Rudy Giuliani as its front man -- held it’s “we’re gonna litigate ourselves into a victory” press conference at the Four Seasons in Philadelphia. No, my friend, not the Four Seasons luxury hotel, but rather the Four Seasons Total Landscaping company, in a suburban mall next door to an adult bookstore and a crematorium.
In the early morning hours of Saturday, November 7, President Trump had tweeted that a “Big press conference” would be held in Philadelphia at the Four Seasons hotel. Several hours later, he scrubbed that tweet, replacing it with: “Big press conference today in Philadelphia at Four Seasons Total Landscaping — 11:30am!”
Not wanting to be associated in any way with this Giuliani cluster f**k, on November 7 at 7:45AM, the Four Seasons issued a tweet fully distancing itself from the event: “To clarify, President Trump’s press conference will NOT be held at Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia. It will be held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping – no relation with the hotel.”
As The Mary Sue reported: “We are desperate to know which Trump lackey made the decision to book a landscaping company instead of the Four Seasons, but it’s impossible to know since everyone in the campaign has a black belt in poor decision-making.”
A small crowd showed up for the event and Giuliani let off some steam about stolen votes, late votes and phony mail-in votes.
Social Media had a field day with the gaffe: Comedian Patton Oswalt tweeted: “This is not over. For we shall mount our righteous stand at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Next to Fantasy Island Adult Books. Across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. Between the fire extinguisher and yellow hose. #MAGA.”
Comedy writer Zack Bornstein tweeted: "I could write jokes for 800 years and I'd never think of something funnier than Trump booking the Four Seasons for his big presser, and it turning out to be the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot between a dildo store and a crematorium."
On SNL, Kate McKinnon’s Rudy Giuliani took center stage.
The Guardian reported that Giuliani learned that Joe Biden was declared the winner of the presidential election during the press conference. 'Who was it called by?' Giuliani asked, referring to the broadcast news networks. 'All of them,' replied a reporter. The former New York City mayor insisted the result could not be called until the Trump campaign's legal challenges had gone to court.
At this poorly staged event, Giuliani repeated a litany of unfounded claims of election fraud. And, in a flurry of Sunday tweets, Giuliani assured Trump’s supporters that the campaign would pursue any and all election misconduct.
At the time of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference, Giuliani was still fighting off questions about a compromising scene in Sasha Baron Cohen’s new film, Borat Subsequent Moviefilm. According to The Guardian, “In the film, released on Friday, [October 21, and available on Amazon Prime] the former New York mayor and current personal attorney to Donald Trump is seen reaching into his trousers and apparently touching his genitals while reclining on a bed in the presence of the actor playing Borat’s daughter, who is posing as a TV journalist.
“Following an obsequious interview for a fake conservative news program, the pair retreat at her suggestion for a drink to the bedroom of a hotel suite, which is rigged with concealed cameras. After she removes his microphone, Giuliani, 76, can be seen lying back on the bed, fiddling with his untucked shirt and reaching into his trousers. They are then interrupted by Borat who runs in and says: ‘She’s 15. She’s too old for you.’”
Lots of people are saying that Giuliani’s next press conference could feature a guest appearance by Stormy Daniels. I cannot confirm or deny that rumor.
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