David Cox for BuzzFlash: Darth Vader’s Girlfriend is Betsy DeVos -- and All Things Dystopian in the Trump Alternative Universe
July 31st 2020
Betsy DeVos (Gage Skidmore)
By David Glenn Cox
There can be no other conclusion but that a Dark Age is upon us. The name Donald Trump defines that. The worlds always had stupid people we’ve just haven’t put them in charge recently. And it isn’t that they are just stupid, but that they are proudly stupid. Congressman Louis Gohmert recently tested positive for the Trump plague and immediately blamed his infection on his mask. “The medicine made me sick.” Meanwhile on the other side of the Congressional bat cave. Congressman Jim Jordan is apoplectic about being asked the wear a mask but when is Jordan not apoplectic? That’s his skit, and now three minutes of outrage from the representative from Ohio. It is like Ding Dong school or the box of puppy’s channel.
Darth Vader’s girlfriend Betsy DeVos said there can be no national strategy for schools because there is no national school czar. It is of course overstating the obvious to point out that she is the Secretary of Education and hence the national school czar. To not just perform poorly but to actively attempt to throw the machinery in reverse while still in motion. Every movement negative and punitive, losing in court every day but fighting on against the American people just the same. To capture every punitive dime from every punitive dollar inflicted on the American people and not give them a penny back of improvement.
The Soviet Union had the crime of wrecking on the books. A catch all to make sure you stay current on your paperwork. Maybe you were lazy or perhaps a wrecker. Your goal was to cause trouble and hinder progress. You didn’t order enough lug nuts for the tractor factory on purpose! I never thought that we needed a law like that but a State Department no one talks to and an FBI in a blood purge. Health and Human Services fighting to take away health care during a pandemic. Al Capone’s Justice Department, a HUD director trying to raise the rent on the poor it is as if we have elected Simon Legree as President. Rest assured, if there were oil under the Lincoln Memorial there would be a derrick on the front lawn with Abe’s picture on it.
Not since the dinosaurs faced down that meteor has there been a more endangered species of Republican. Facing an electoral wipe out they aim for a super wipe out by demanding cuts in unemployment benefits. Now I’m not a pollster, but with millions unemployed that might not be a winning strategy. Besides, you’re not going to be here next year anyway, so what do you care? Again, attempting to bludgeon the survivors as they try to climb in the lifeboat. To not just perform poorly but wantonly cruel. To go out of your way to inflict pain on them while hurting the economy itself. Like throwing sardines to a trained seal and waiting till you feel like it, make them beg for it. When the time is just right, and they are ready to bargain. “We want a new FBI building, and some bombers, and some border wall, and some bombers.”
Holding the American people hostage for a wish list of goodies, they couldn’t get through the legislative process. And willing to risk the economy to get them. Falling is instantaneous, you don’t plan to fall or say “I’m about to fall.” You find yourself on the ground confused asking, how did I get here? Those mom and pop businesses we’re always trying to save, reduce the amount of cash in the economy and you reduce their revenue by the same percentage.
How can it not be a Dark Age? During the Black Death they could be excused without the knowledge of sanitation. They carried flowers around in their pockets because it was thought that pleasing aromas discouraged the sickness. “Ring around the Rosie pockets full of posies, ashes, ashes all fall down.” It doesn’t speak highly for children’s programing in the Dark ages. But we have a full-grown man in a position of responsibility who blames his illness on his mask. “That’s right doctor it got infected because you put that bandage on it.” We have crowds of them proudly ignorant. Dancing like fools under the moon at midnight. And when the numbers go against them, they try and hide the numbers and change the subject. Proudly willfully advocating for plans which will kill thousands and only make the Trump plague worse for all the trouble and the expense.
Are they just inherently evil or incredibly stupid or some morbid combination of both? A sort of Ted Cruz with a grenade launcher on his head. Jumping up and down arguing over who has the most ludicrous position. Not since the “Drown the Immigrants act of 1817” has there ever been a crueler policy directed toward the American people. What camps? Who needs camps? Let Darwin do the work. Grandma was going to die soon any way so get back to work. We have to reopen the economy by Easter or die trying!
Still unwilling at this point to yield to the sickness. So, we approach the tipping point where it no longer matters how good New York did. Where there are so many are infected the virus will travel to areas where it is not and there is nothing that can be done about it. Sounds like Dark Ages material to me. The solution at hand cheap an effective. Until the pandemic is defeated you cannot open the economy. If you open the economy without defeating the pandemic you will eventually destroy the economy killing thousands for their effort.
Did you think I would forget to mention Trump’s witch doctor? You know me better than that. Nothing says Dark Ages like the ignorant belief in demons witches and astral sex. You better shove some more flowers in your pocket and get back to work.